Skip to main content

Posts

From Awareness to Transformation

  This article is adapted from one of our live conversations in The Clarity Room —a free weekly Zoom coaching session held every Tuesday at 7:00 PM (EAT) . Together, we explore the psychology of change, emotional intelligence, habits, leadership, relationships, purpose and practical wisdom for everyday life. Each session combines research, coaching, reflection and real-life stories to help people move from insight to lasting transformation. Join us every Tuesday at 7:00 PM (EAT) Zoom Meeting ID: 743 0647 1122 Passcode: Clarity --- There is a question I ask nearly every client — but never at the beginning. The start feels overwhelming. People come with various goals: fixing the marriage, breaking habits, calming anxiety, or becoming disciplined. These are all valid pursuits, but none of them address the deeper question. The real question comes much later, after several sessions. After the tears have slowed, the blame has softened, and the old stories have begun, almos...
Recent posts

The Pause That Changes Everything

This article is adapted from one of our live conversations in The Clarity Room —a free weekly Zoom coaching session held every Tuesday at 7:00 PM (EAT) . Together, we explore the psychology of change, emotional intelligence, habits, leadership, relationships, purpose and practical wisdom for everyday life. Each session combines research, coaching, reflection and real-life stories to help people move from insight to lasting transformation. Join us every Tuesday at 7:00 PM (EAT) Zoom Meeting ID: 743 0647 1122 Passcode: Clarity --- I often hear a particular phrase every week, coming from chief executives, parents, entrepreneurs, and highly intelligent individuals. It typically sounds like this: "I don't know what came over me." Or, "I wasn't myself." Or — my personal favorite — "I just reacted." Whenever someone says it, I find myself fighting the urge to smile. Not because their discomfort entertains me, but because I already antici...

The Meeting My Brain Had Without Me

  This article is adapted from one of our live conversations in The Clarity Room —a free weekly Zoom coaching session held every Tuesday at 7:00 PM (EAT) . Together, we explore the psychology of change, emotional intelligence, habits, leadership, relationships, purpose and practical wisdom for everyday life. Each session combines research, coaching, reflection and real-life stories to help people move from insight to lasting transformation. Join us every Tuesday at 7:00 PM (EAT) Zoom Meeting ID: 743 0647 1122 Passcode: Clarity -- For most of my adult life, I believed I was a logical man. Not perfectly logical. I'm Kenyan. I have survived Nairobi traffic, which means I have, on more than one occasion, looked at Waiyaki Way at 5:30 p.m. — a road that, at that hour, stops being a road and becomes a philosophy — and told myself, with the confidence of a man who has learned nothing, that today it will be different. Today I will beat it. So no. Not flawlessly logical. But ...

How Procrastination Disguises Itself as Preparation

The strange thing about procrastination is that it rarely announces itself as procrastination. If it did, life would be much easier. Imagine waking up on a Tuesday morning to hear a voice announce: “Good morning. I am procrastination. I have come to sabotage your day.” At least then you would know what you are dealing with. Instead, procrastination is clever. It wears disguises. It calls itself preparation, planning, research, optimization, due diligence, productivity, and strategy. Sometimes it even calls itself wisdom. And that is how it fooled Mark for years. Not because Mark was lazy. Mark is many things. Lazy is not one of them. The man reads. Thinks. Works. Reflects. Plans. Like many capable people, he has spent a significant portion of his adult life trying to improve himself. Unfortunately, he has also spent a significant portion of his adult life postponing the things that mattered most. The proposal could wait. The application could wait. The difficult conversation could wait...

The Great Self-help Trap

Why Awareness Alone Is Not Enough Toward the end of last Tuesday’s Clarity Room session, something fascinating happened. People began sharing new beliefs. Simple statements. Powerful statements. Statements that looked deceptively ordinary. Andrew shared: “I am good enough.” Simon offered: “My past does not define me.” Traicy reflected: “I am capable of growth.” Nyame declared: “God is within me. I will not fail.” Polly added: “Growth is always possible.” If you had joined the session at that exact moment, you might have thought we were exchanging affirmations. We were not. We were witnessing something much more important. People were challenging scripts that had quietly governed parts of their lives for years. That matters because the stories we repeatedly tell ourselves eventually become the lives we repeatedly live. Yet there is a problem. Most people stop there. They discover the belief, feel inspired, take notes, buy a journal, highlight a few sentences, and post a quote on social ...

Who Taught You That? - The Childhood Origins of Adult Problems

Last Tuesday in The Clarity Room, we spent a great deal of time discussing beliefs. Not the kind of beliefs people usually argue about. Not politics, religion, or football teams. Those discussions can wait for another day. We were exploring something far more personal: the beliefs that quietly shape our lives. The beliefs we rarely question. The beliefs that operate so deeply beneath awareness that they often feel like facts. And as the conversation unfolded, a fascinating question emerged. Not from me. From the participants. If these beliefs are causing so much trouble, where did they come from? Most of us spend years fighting behaviors without ever investigating their origins. We battle procrastination, perfectionism, people-pleasing, avoidance, overthinking, low confidence, fear of failure, and fear of rejection. Yet we rarely stop to ask: “Where did I learn this?” And that question changes everything. The Child Nobody Sees One of the strange realities of adultho...