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The Man Who Won Outside and Lost at Home

  This is a story inspired by Episode 2 of The Men's Group Debate Series, held on June 6, 2026, at Savelberg Retreat Center in Nairobi , under the theme "The Men Nairobi Raised Are Not the Men Nairobi Needs." --- There are certain men Kenyan parents absolutely adore. You know the type. The ones whose names appear in church fundraisers. The ones introduced at weddings with lines like: " Meet Benard. He has done very well for himself." Nobody ever explains what it means. "Very well" is one of those uniquely Kenyan expressions. Like "We need to talk." Or "I'm almost there." Or "Let's meet and catch up." Everybody understands the danger, but nobody can define it. Whatever it meant, Benard had achieved it. By forty-three, he owned a house in Syokimau, a second piece of land never called land but always "the investment," a respectable SUV, a consulting business that could occasionally be described a...
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When the Mask Stops Working

  Reflections on Identity Collapse --- This article was inspired by Episode 2 of The Men's Group Debate Series, held on June 6, 2026, at Savelberg Retreat Center in Nairobi , under the theme "The Men Nairobi Raised Are Not the Men Nairobi Needs." The debate, moderated by Erick Opon and featuring contributions from Justus Kirigua, Titus Lwanda, Steve Wasilwa, and Collins Munene, explored five provocative questions on success, fatherhood, provision, emotional health, and identity. What follows is not a transcript of the debate but a reflection on the ideas, stories, and tensions that emerged as a room full of men wrestled with what it means to become whole. --- A few years ago, I met a man who introduced himself three times in five minutes. The first time, by his title. The second time, by his business. The third time, by the number of people he managed. It was impressive. Also slightly concerning. After listening carefully, I realized something — I still had...

When You Look in the Mirror and See Your Father

  Reflections on The Father Question This article was inspired by Episode 2 of The Men's Group Debate Series, held on June 6, 2026, at Savelberg Retreat Center in Nairobi , under the theme "The Men Nairobi Raised Are Not the Men Nairobi Needs." The debate, moderated by Erick Opon and featuring contributions from Justus Kirigua, Titus Lwanda, Steve Wasilwa, and Collins Munene, explored five provocative questions on success, fatherhood, provision, emotional health, and identity. What follows is not a transcript of the debate but a reflection on the ideas, stories, and tensions that emerged as a room full of men wrestled with what it means to become whole. --- One of the strangest experiences of adulthood is hearing your father's voice come out of your mouth. The first time it happens is unsettling. You are usually in the middle of a conversation, an argument, or giving advice nobody asked for. Then suddenly you hear it — a phrase, a tone, an expression. For...

The Silence Contract

  What Is the Cost of Carrying Everything Alone? This article was inspired by Episode 2 of The Men's Group Debate Series, held on June 6, 2026, at Savelberg Retreat Center in Nairobi , under the theme "The Men Nairobi Raised Are Not the Men Nairobi Needs." The debate, moderated by Erick Opon and featuring contributions from Justus Kirigua, Titus Lwanda, Steve Wasilwa, and Collins Munene, explored five provocative questions on success, fatherhood, provision, emotional health, and identity. What follows is not a transcript of the debate but a reflection on the ideas, stories, and tensions that emerged as a room full of men wrestled with what it means to become whole. --- A few years ago, I asked a man how he was doing. It was not a particularly difficult question — one of those ordinary questions we ask every day. He looked at me, paused, and answered exactly as men have for centuries. "Fine." There are many fascinating words in the English language...

When a Man Leads With His Wallet

  Reflections on The Provider Trap --- This article was inspired by Episode 2 of The Men's Group Debate Series, held on June 6, 2026, at Savelberg Retreat Centre in Nairobi , under the theme "The Men Nairobi Raised Are Not the Men Nairobi Needs." The debate, moderated by Erick Opon and featuring contributions from Justus Kirigua, Titus Lwanda, Steve Wasilwa, and Collins Munene, explored five provocative questions on success, fatherhood, provision, emotional health, and identity. What follows is not a transcript of the debate but a reflection on the ideas, stories, and tensions that emerged as a room full of men wrestled with what it means to become whole. ---   There are few phrases more dangerous to a man than: "I'm doing this for my family." Not because it is false, but because it is often true. And because it is true, it can hide all sorts of things behind it — exhaustion, avoidance, workaholism, emotional absence, distance, and sometimes...